How To Get An Older Woman In The Mood

March 23, 2024

Men and women of all ages can often struggle with knowing how to turn their partners on.  Mismatched cycles of desire, natural variations in desire over time, different priorities and issues, stress, pain, and so much more can all be mood killers.  Aging tends to exacerbate any existing problems of desire or sexual function as well.  The net result is that many couples in otherwise happy, committed relationships have trouble maintaining an active sex life with their partner, even resulting in so-called sexless marriages in some cases.  This can often lead to resentment and frustration, and cause people to cheat, among other serious consequences.

Fortunately, there are some tried and true tips and pieces of advice that can help the situation.  While all sex is a two-way street, it’s undeniable that women’s arousal tends to be more complex and more elusive than men’s, at all ages.  To that end, we’ve put together a guide on how to get an older woman in the mood.  Naturally, everyone is different, and there’s no magic formula or solution that will work for everyone.  With that said, however, some basic principles form the core of this advice, which are good ideas at any age, and some combination of which will likely help keep the spark alive in your relationship as you and your partner age. 

The Problems Of Decreasing Desire With Age

First, it’s important to understand that decreasing sexual desire with age is normal.  It occurs somewhat differently in males and females, and the timing and amount of change that occurs will vary from person to person.  In males, the desire tends to peak in the teens and twenties, then decrease linearly over time.  In females, the desire tends to peak in the twenties and thirties, decrease somewhat into the 40s, and then fall off precipitously with menopause.  In both sexes, this can mean that 50 and 60-year-old adults have but a fraction of the sex drive they once did and can find it much more difficult to “get in the mood” and perform. 

How To Get An Older Woman In The Mood

A Common Issue For Getting An Older Woman In The Mood For Sex: Bodily Changes Can Make Sex Less Pleasurable Or More Difficult

These problems are further exacerbated by the changes that occur in the body with aging, making sex less pleasurable or more difficult.  In men, erections become more difficult to achieve and sustain.  In women, vaginal dryness and thinning of tissues are common during and after menopause.  This can lead to difficulties in having sex, which can, in turn, decrease one or both partners’ desire to engage in sexual activity in the first place.  In many instances, these changes in female bodies can make sex less pleasurable or even painful, and that’s a quick way to ruin the mood for anyone.

On top of all that, the normal aches, pains, and other accumulated health issues that develop with age can all take their toll on older adults’ sexual arousal and performance.  Not only do some health problems have a direct impact on the ability to perform or even to feel sexy, but many seemingly unrelated health and wellness issues can disrupt mental focus, and cause stress, pain, and distraction.  Medications, the usage of which tends to increase with age, can also have side effects that decrease libido or impact sexual function.  Even the best-intentioned older adults can find it difficult to get in the mood with all of these problems and considerations as the background. 

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Specific Tips And Advice For How To Get An Older Woman In The Mood

The good news is that there are several steps that women can take for themselves and that couples can take together, that can go a long way towards overcoming some of these issues of desire and function.  We’ve highlighted ten of the most effective pieces of advice for getting an older woman in the mood below. 


In all relationships, communication is the key to long-term happiness and success.  For older women, communicating your needs and desires, and what you want is incredibly important for satisfying sex.  This is especially true given that the physical and functional aspects of sex can change, and what was once pleasurable may need some adjustment.  Likewise, communication from your partner and an open, judgment-free dialogue is the only way to ensure you address the physical changes in your body, changes in desire, performance, and so on, and still enjoy a satisfying sex life together. 

Relax And De-Stress

Stress can be a major mood killer.  Getting an older woman in the mood can be tricky, to begin with, but if she’s stressed and not focused in the moment, then it’s virtually impossible. Unacknowledged or unaddressed stress can gnaw at your mind. It can take you right out a building sexual desire, distracting you at the worst possible times, and make getting intimate an already bigger challenge than it already is.  Taking some time to relax and de-stress can be one of the best ways to get in the mood for sexual activity.  A bath, meditation, massage, and some deep breathing are all great ways to set stress aside so that you can enjoy intimacy with your partner.

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FDA Approved Medication

PT-141 (Bremalanotide) is a powerful FDA approved medication that can help women dramatically improve their sex drive.

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Use Lube

The decrease in estrogen associated with menopause has a pronounced impact on vaginal lubrication in most women.  There’s a simple solution to make sex more pleasurable and avoid painful intercourse – use lube and incorporate it into your partnered sexual activity! It’s not only a great way to get an older woman in the mood, who might other be more hesitant to engage in sex – it generally will make sex more enjoyable for both of you.

Go Slow

Aging also can result in decreased tissue density and elasticity in the vulva and vagina.  Along with the other natural considerations associated with aging – less energy, quicker to fatigue, greater concern over heart health, and so on – it all adds up to mean that any sexual activity between older adults should be done carefully and slowly.  Rushed approaches to sexual activity are pretty much the exact opposite of the technique you want to use to get an older woman in the mood. This includes plenty of time to arouse each other and enjoy the experience, as well as a generally slower pace to the sexual activities you may enjoy. 

How To Get An Older Woman In The Mood
Couple in home kitchen cooking together and using tablet

Foreplay, Foreplay, Foreplay

Another piece of advice that’s useful for getting an older woman in the mood, or really any woman at any age, is don’t neglect foreplay.  It’s essential to female arousal, and becomes more important to male arousal with age, too.  By the time you are an older adult, it should be clear that sex is not all about penetrative intercourse, and a lot of the pleasure and enjoyment of sex can be found in the tease and build-up.  A lack of sufficient foreplay is one of the most cited reasons for women to fail to achieve orgasm or be insufficiently aroused for pleasurable sexual activity. 

Embrace Toys

These days, there’s a plethora of sex toys of all kinds on the market.  If you are experiencing issues with getting in the mood, incorporating one or more sex toys into your partnered or solo play can help.  There are plenty of partner-friendly toys available, and numerous reputable online retailers, so there’s no excuse of embarrassment at going into a sex shop or anything of that nature.  A little vibrating friend might be just what you need to help get an older woman in the mood!

Try New Things

In addition to trying out sex toys, one way to improve arousal and desire is to try new things.  This can include new sex positions, kinks and fetishes, roleplaying scenarios, and much more.  The sky is the limit, and you may find something new that really gets you in the mood and turns you on.  So, don’t be afraid to experiment and try new things – just remember to communicate with your partner.

How To Get An Older Woman In The Mood

Don’t Neglect Romance

It may seem cliché, but it’s important not to neglect romance.  Too often, couples who have been together for a long time see their sex drives or sexual frequency decrease as they become more akin to roommates than lovers.  Keep the romance alive in your relationship – have regular date nights, do things for each other just to show your love, and so on.  Romance is one aphrodisiac that actually works!

Have A Plan

Spontaneous sex may not be practical for older adults, or at least not as often, especially if dealing with sexual desire or function issues.  It’s useful to have a clear plan for your sexual activity – set aside time, work your way into it, and know you won’t have any distractions or demands to interrupt you.  This also gives both parties the benefit of time to prepare and anticipate sex, which can go a long way towards improving desire in both sexes. 

FDA Approved Medication
Mentioned Product

FDA Approved Medication

PT-141 (Bremalanotide) is a powerful FDA approved medication that can help women dramatically improve their sex drive.

Learn About PT-141

Consider Medications And Supplements

Sexual function and desire issues can often be treated or improved with prescription medication, over-the-counter medication, and nutritional supplements.  If you’ve tried most of the pieces of advice on our list, and are still struggling with desire or sexual function, then consider medications or supplements to address the problem.  Talk to your doctor or healthcare professional about what options might be right for you, and don’t be shy about discussing your sexual health – that’s the only way you’re going to get answers and recommendations that will do you any good. 

Bremelanotide or PT-141 is a doctor-prescribed peptide available at Invigor Medical used to treat sexual dysfunction in men and women. Women can use PT-141 for a powerful boost of sex drive and arousal. Vyleesi, with the active ingredient Bremelanotide (PT-141), is the first medication to be approved for premenopausal women with Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD); low sex drive.

How To Get An Older Woman In The Mood

Concluding Thoughts

Inevitably, we are all going to get older, and our bodies and minds will change.  That’s no reason to accept a decline in the quality of your sexual relationships, however.  Getting a woman in the mood isn’t easy at any age, and can become more difficult in older adults.  However, following the tips and advice in our guide, and putting in the effort to maintain a strong sexual relationship with your significant other, is well worth it. 

Don’t overlook the benefit of doctor-prescribed medications like PT-141. Individuals who want to increase their sex drive can buy PT-141 online. Like most things in life, you get out of it what you put into it.  It may not be as easy as when you were both younger, but the challenge should make it all the more rewarding.

How to get an older woman in the mood infographic

Frequently Asked Questions

Why Does Sex Drive Decrease As We Age?

The changes in sex drive that come with aging are mostly the result of decreases in the amounts of sex hormones that our bodies produce.  In males, testosterone production decreases steadily as we age.  In females, estrogen tends to decrease dramatically at menopause.  These chemicals are, respectively, responsible for libido in men and women, and decreased levels of these hormones are correlated with a decreased sex drive. 

Does Female Sex Drive Rebound After Menopause?

The exact interaction of menopause with female sex drive can vary significantly.  While it is true that most women see a marked decrease in sex drive during and after menopause, some experience a pronounced rebound effect shortly after menopause, regaining much of their sex drive.  Every individual is different, and a variety of factors aside from sex hormones can impact desire, both before and after menopause, as we’ve outlined in our guide above. 

Do I Need To Worry About STIs As An Older Adult?

While pregnancy may not be a risk experienced by older adults, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can be caught at any age.  Risk in a monogamous relationship is minimal, but it’s still worth getting tested periodically, or if you notice any signs or symptoms of an STI.  This is especially important if one partner cheats.  STIs can infect older adults just as easily as younger adults and can cause symptoms far beyond those isolated to the sexual organs.  Therefore, it’s still important to stay aware, protected, and monitor your health for any STIs, even as an older adult.

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  • American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. (n.d.). Home page. ACOG. Retrieved January 25, 2024
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